apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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