I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
