God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
