She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
