and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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