he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize