actually, I'm a sock model
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
