...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
