we're chasing vodka with high fives
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
