Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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