I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
is that a dick in a sweater?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
