Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
