Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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