I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We're too hungover to prance.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
