I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
