Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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