I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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