yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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