I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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