If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
