She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
