Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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