sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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