I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
