dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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