he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
