So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
