Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
