I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
