I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
