Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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