i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We had to coat check the pizza.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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