Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
