Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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