I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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