you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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