He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
