I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
