Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
