The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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