I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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