so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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