If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
