your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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