I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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