Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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