youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
