We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
zippers are such a cool invention
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
