All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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