I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
