I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
