bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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