Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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