just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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