She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found puke in my bra..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
