Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
