hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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