My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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