Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
