the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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