I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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