i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
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I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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