Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
