im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
