When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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