I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
