I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
