i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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