I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
