And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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