My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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