do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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