I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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