You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
