I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
