I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
